a funk

be forwarned, I am in a funk...

Will Bansky-Nola

My dad and I got into a fight last week.

He mentioned that he wanted to bring his new girlfriend to Raleigh for Thanksgiving and I told him that I wasn't comfortable with her coming. He said that I wasn't supporting him, didn't want him to move on and that he can't live his life for me.

He also said, and I quote, "I want her to meet Jared, Rose and Tyler in case we get married this winter."
At that point I checked out. I was done talking to him about it and I said, and I quote, "I've got to go dad, I just finished making dinner." Mature.

That night I got a text from him saying, "Kristine will not be coming to Raleigh". Thank Jared and Rose.

The next evening he called to see when we were planning on arriving so he could book the hotel. I asked him if he was okay and he said that he was disappointed in me.

For what exactly? Because I didn't want a stranger that my dad has been dating for 2 and a half months to come and have Thanksgiving dinner at my brother and sister's house when she may be out of our lives by Christmas? Great, here we go.

It then became a crying/yelling/silent treatment phone conversation for about 40 minutes. The crying was exclusively on my end and the silent treatment was from my dad's end but the yelling came from both ends. We were not happy with one another.

I just feel like my dad is trying to force all of these relationships with these ladies. He jumps head first into it and doesn't come up for air even once. It was like this when he started dating Denise 4 months after my mom died. 4 months!!! I didn't even put up a fight then. I remember the conversation vividly. I was driving to Andrew's softball game on a warm summer evening (I even remember the jeans that I was wearing, weird) when my dad called and told me that he had gone on a date the past weekend with a lady he works with. I wasn't ready for him to start dating but I realized that he was so I told him that I supported him dating. Plain and simple. I support him and I want him to be happy. I was still grieving but we all grieve at different speeds and I didn't question his speed.

To defend my dad he has the emotional capacity of a sea anemone. He's always been this way, not that it's right, but I've had to deal with it my whole life. I know that he can't be wrong or disagreed with. I know that he won't listen to me explain my feelings and probably ignores about 75% of what I say. I don't know why he is this way but he is and I have to deal with it. I've tried pretty much everything I can think of to get him to take what I say seriously and nothing works.

For example, the summer after my mom passed I was helping my dad put some things that were in storage on craigslist. Andrew and I were measuring, taking pictures and writing descriptions when I mentioned to my dad that I was going to get my mom's saddles and tack out of his way and take them to the ranch. He immediately said that I couldn't take them because he was going to sell them because he needed the money. When I objected he told me that I was being a spoiled brat and throwing a fit because I didn't get my way. Nice dad, love you too.

He eventually "gave" them to me for my birthday even though it was in my mom's will that I got them.

I feel bad for putting this out here for all eyes to read but I've got to vent. I don't have my mom to go to about these things anymore. I did get to talk to Jared and Rose about it and that was sooo needed. They are so wonderful!

Needless to say, because of this episode (and not getting enough sleep because of the new pup), I am in a funk. Instead of being excited that I got a job, I cried. I'm having a hard time being my happy old self, I'm impatient with Andrew and everything seems gray. No neons, no excitement just...blah.

Is it really that bad that I don't want to meet my dad's new girlfriend this Thanksgiving? No, it's not, and I know that but the guilt trip that he puts me through kills me. You want to make me feel bad, make me feel guilty. He hit that bullseye dead on. Thanks dad.

Luckily I'm taking a break from it all in a week and going to visit my Grandpa, Aunt Valerie and Uncle Joe. This couldn't have come at a better time.

P.S. I love my dad very much even though we disagree and I do hope that he finds someone that will make him happy. Thank you for listening to me rant, I needed this.

On a better note, I love this song.