Monday, January 18, 2010

what would I do without you?

I got so many incredible responses about my first post, you guys are too wonderful. I feel like your comments deserve a more prominent place on this so here are some of the responses I've gotten so far. Next to all of your names I've put how I know you and underneath your comment will be a little something from me!

Danielle (one of my sweet, lovely friends from high school who I still stay in touch with)

Vickie was always a sweetheart. I didn't know her that well, but I always felt a connection with her. She was your mom and I was your friend and that was good enough. I remember her always being so caring and wonderful. When I came over to carve pumpkins with you and your family and she roasted the seeds, I remember thinking what a wonderful family you had. Every time I was at your house she made me feel so welcome, even if I only saw her for a second. I feel lucky to have crossed her path. She was a blessing to all that met her and I am sure that she thinks about you all the time, even when the butterflies aren't around. I love you, Krystal!

Thanks Danielle, you're story about the pumpkins always makes me smile because it was so not a big deal to me growing up. It was just something that we did every year. It really reminds me of all of the wonderful little things that made her so special. 

Whit (my best friend and the closest thing I've ever had to a sister since I was 12, we've known each other since we were 2)

I love that you have started this blog, I am grateful to have another way to remember your mom and the amazing person that she was. She was my second mom and our confidant. I am always here if you need anything. Citra and Star bursts are just one grocery store away :)
-"Wee Wee"
I don't even have words for this girl. She has been my right hand woman for so long and I don't know what I'd do without her.

Lisa Michelle (Another lovely junior high-high school friend. We were even chosen for the Great Kid Award together in elementary school. We were always meant to be friends!)

So beautiful, it makes me ache. Love you, Krystal! Oh, definitely just broke into tears writing that because I can't imagine the pain you feel. I wish my tears could help take away some of your pain. I feel anything I tried to say to comfort you would just belittle what you're going though. Just know that you are so, so loved!
-Lisa Michelle
Lisa, nothing you could possibly say would belittle what I'm going through. Your sincerity and love come across through the little things like this. You are wonderful and I'm grateful to call you my friend. Just remember, you'll always be a Great Kid :)

Hannah Liz (I've never met Hannah (I don't think) but as you can tell by the comment she works with my dad and obviously she is an incredible person and one of my newest friends!)

Thank you for starting this blog! I didn't know your mom, but I work with your dad and anytime anyone at work has mentioned him or your mother they always mention what amazing people they are! This is such a great idea! As you have said everyone is hurting for one reason or another and I appreciate this opportunity for a support system! Thank you for allowing all of us to cry, laugh, and smile with you!
Hannah, I am so excited you found the blog. I don't think you know how much this comment means to me. At first I felt kind of ridiculous for doing this but after this I'm going to keep it up! You give me a reason to continue so thank you!

Emily (I met Emily on the Mormon Pioneer wagon train reenactment when I was in 4th grade. She quickly became part of the family and I am so glad for it!)

I don't even know what to say but that I love you so much. Your family holds a very special place in my heart that will never be forgotten. I'm up for pedicures ANY time. I'll find some pics from the trek and post them for you. I LOVE YOU, KRYSTAL!!!
Emily, that is so kind of you to go get pedicures with me, I know it's a lot to ask but I'm grateful for your sacrifice :) I love you so much and you made me and my mom so happy. I think she was grateful to have more girls in the family, I sure was! Thanks for your comment, love ya!

April (I don't know April but she knows all too well how I feel)

I don't know you. I can't even remember where I ran across your blog. My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer 5 years ago. I enjoyed reading about your mom. I'm a crier too!
April, I am so sorry to hear about your mom and that you're a crier too. Isn't it just exhausting sometimes? :) If you don't mind I'd love to hear more about your experience. You can email me or post it on here. It makes me feel better knowing that other people can go through something like this and be okay. 

Amy (Another person I don't know but who knows all to well how I feel)

Hi Krystal. My name is Amy, and i lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in June 2009. I am older than you; i have two children of my own. So, i think i'm going through this differently. I'm not a crier. I feel like i'm going through this alone because i lost my father to lung cancer 11 years ago and I have no siblings. That's the hardest part. Feeling that there is no one left but me. So I have immersed myself in my kids lives (ages 12 and 14) and this brings me happiness and peace. I have also reconnected with cousins and this helps me feel connected to my parents.

I have focused on being thankful for the time I did have with my mom after her initial diagnosis. Her pancreatic cancer was found early by accident (she had gall stones.) She was very healthy, so it was treated aggressively with surgery, chemo and radiation. But, I think what gave her 6 cancer-free years after treatment was her participation in a cancer vaccine trial at Johns Hopkins. I will forever be grateful for that doctor. My kids had the opportunity to really get to know their grandmother and will forever remember her and carry a piece of her in their hearts.

I went to a cancer support center just before my mom died and found it really helpful to talk to others in similar situations. I found that I really had something to share; I realized that I have a lot of experience that others find helpful, having been through cancer with both my parents. And it helped me to help others. You might find joining a group at a cancer support center to be helpful, too.
Hi Amy, I'm sorry about your loss. Losing both your mom and your dad to cancer would be heartbreaking. I've been thinking about joining a support group at our local hospital but I guess I'm nervous. I'm so glad that it was a help to you, that makes me a little less nervous. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Even though you aren't a crier like me I feel like we have a little too much in common.  I feel like I could learn a lot from you. Thanks again!

Kristin (Kristin is my cousin and the daughter of my Aunt Wana, the aunt I mentioned in my first post,  who passed away from bone cancer about 2 weeks ago. Once again, someone who knows all too well how I feel.)

Hi Krystal, I just found out about this from Halli, and you are such a sweetheart. I have thought a lot about you the past couple of weeks, and you need to know that us girls do know what you are going through and that you are now part of "us girls." I can't imagine the last two weeks without my sisters, and my sister-in-law. Lean on Rose and any other sisters-in-law that you have on Andrew's side. They can help you like a real sister. Girl cousins, such as myself, can also help you. I know what you are saying about your dad and your brother. Men just don't feel and think about things like women. They just don't. It doesn't mean that they don't love us. They just aren't women. So, know that you have us girls to lean on any time you want. And when we do our next girls' weekend, you need to come with us. We love you.
Thanks Kristin, you are too sweet. I'm so sorry to be part of "us girls" I wish neither of us was but that's life I guess. Your support and love is felt even though we are a bit away. I would love to have a girl's weekend, there's nothing better! And if I can do anything for any of you don't hesitate to let me know, I love you all so much and my heart aches for you. I just feel so lucky to have such a wonderful family that I can lean on through all of this.

Well those are all of the comments that have been left as of today. Once again, thank you. I get so excited for each comment, you should all know that you do so much good for me. Even those people who haven't commented but have written me emails, called or sent letters, I love you. I love feeling like I'm apart of something bigger than just my little world of school and a part time job. Just know that there is a place to go when you hurt or feel all alone or need a place to just be yourself. It's okay to cry or to not cry, to smile or frown, to be happy or not. I just hope you come away feeling better because I do every time I read your words. So here's to good friends and here's to a good life.


  1. My internet hasn't been working the last few days, so I am finally able to catch up on your blog! Look at how you are reaching out to people that don't know you and comforting them through their losses. Again, you are amazing. Thanks for shopping with me yesterday, how does Andrew like the little toadstools? :)

  2. he was surprisingly happy with them, he thinks that they're cute. at least he doesn't think i'm crazy and i'm still allowed to go shopping with you! which was extremely fun btw and needs to happen once again very soon!