Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Kathy's memories

Before my mom passed away she set up an incredible support group for me. It consists of my mom's closest friends and family and I call them my "Lovely Ladies" because they are now some of my closest friends. The night after my mom's funeral we all went out to dinner to start our new chapter together. I am so grateful for my mom knowing that I'd need those women because boy do I!

One lovely lady is Kathy Cheesman. She lives about 2 blocks away from my parent's house and loved visiting my mom. She would run errands for my mom, sit by her side and keep her company for hours and was an all around amazing friend. Kathy and I have been emailing regularly since my mom passed away and her emails are always very sweet. She somehow puts so many of my feelings into words so much better than I ever could. Here are 2 snipits from her that especially touched me and made me cry like a baby. (I asked her permission to use the January 17th one but not the February one so Kathy I hope you don't mind. It just made me bawl and I couldn't resist making other people cry too.) I hope you enjoy!

January 17th 
It's just not the same is it?  But how could it be when such an important person in your life is now gone from your everyday life.  I'm sorry and I feel for you.  I'm so glad your dad created a good Christmas the best that he could.  You are so smart to go to a counselor and to create your blog.  Is the counseling helping you?  What a great idea and I will try to contribute even though I basically just email and I'm not very computer savy!  I have missed Vickie very much and I mentioned her in my testimony this past month.  Our ward enjoyed the articles that she wrote each month for our newsletter and I shared a few thoughts on one titled coping strategies.  Mainly asking myself how I'm coping with the challenges in my life.  It made me self evaluate and also brought back memories of Vickie calling and us sharing ideas about her articles etc.  I saved several of them and encouraged her to save them and put them in a notebook so maybe your could ask your dad and there would be a piece of your moms writings.  There is a void for me too Krystal.  I have had some dreams about your mom and a few times felt her presence and I'm thankful for those experiences.  I'll tell you today at choir practice I thought of her and her beautiful voice and love of music and singing.  I had a deja vous moment of both of us at choir and yes it made me miss her.  I miss my friend and I told her there would be a void when she was gone and boy was I right!!!  I got teary just reading your blog and seeing her picture so don't feel bad about tears.  It is a compliment to be missed and time helps to keep us moving forward and help the wound to heal but leave a loving scar of rememberance. (that's my thinking)  Try not to be too hard on yourself after all this is your mom we're talking about and it's a very major adjustment in your life.  Sounds to me like you are taking some very productive steps to healing in the right direction Krystal.

February 2nd
Thinking back to when our son Travis left on his mission I can't help but remember this so I'll share it with you.
Your mom and I talked about our kids etc often as you know how moms are and she was excited and nervous for me about Travis going on his mission.  He was going to Costa Rica Spanish speaking.  I was going to have two missionaries out at the same time.  As time went on and her health and energy depleted she would forget about his leaving and I never brought it up because I felt there were more important issues to deal with in her life and other things for us to talk about.  I usually talked to her every day and stopped by the house often but I remember telling her on Monday April 20 I would see her on Wednesday.  I knew the day before Travis leaving would be crazy.  Anyway we took him to the MTC and went through all of our goodbyes etc.  The minute I came home from the MTC I told my family I'm going over to see Vickie.  I also remember having the most massive headache because of the many emotions I was feeling for people I deeply cared about.  (I'm sure you've had those massive emotional headaches too)  This was Wednesday April 22 and your mom was more medicated and not speaking too much.  I came over and kneeled on the floor by her holding her hand and talking to her because I knew she was aware of me being there and could understand everything I was saying.  I said" Vickie guess where I just came back from?  We took Travis to the MTC."  Oh Krystal her face lit up and she tried to talk.  I said "don't worry about talking but yes this is the day and he's in the MTC."  Anyway, I share this with you because she was a true friend who even at that moment when she was dying she had joy and excitement and sadness for me and remembered what was going on in my life.  Her expression said it all and her efforts to try and talk let me know of her love for me and my family.  OK I'm sorry if I made you teary over this story.  I'm assuming you are because . . . yes I am but I am also reminded of the many tender loving memories and experiences I have with your mom even though we didn't get to do a lot of the things we talked about or I planned on doing with her.  You are a good kind friend too Krystal and your mom was a good example to you in that respect.  True friendship is so important and necessary for all of us, so I share this with you as a positive tribute to your amazing mom and my dear friend!

Love you Kathy!!!

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